Seras Sees Dead People
by Metropolis Kid
Summary: Seras gets a new power. It causes her no end of trouble. Now our favorite little fledgling is seeing all kinds of 'lost' souls... including a particular pirate with a magic compass and a fondness for rum. Hope you enjoy. And reviews would be nice too. Lol
1. The Pirate Captain

**Chapter one: The Pirate Captain**

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any material contained within this story. All copyrighted content remains the property of the person, people, or organization that holds the copyright. This story is solely for fun.

It was nearly sunup, and Seras was just going into the kitchen to grab one last meal before she went to bed. The evening's activities had been exhausting, and she needed some blood to recuperate. They'd had another fight with Anderson, and Seras had been repeatedly cut and stabbed before Alucard deemed to interfere and start blasting away at the priest. _Master sure took his sweet time. _Seras huffed as she remembered her master's comment._ "But Police Girl, if I always do all the fighting how are you ever going to learn?" _Her master could be such a smug, arrogant jerk at times.

Seras walked into the kitchen and flipped on the light. She didn't really need to. She could see just as well in the dark, but it was a habit. She opened up one of the refrigerators and pulled out a pack of blood. Normally, she would've emptied the contents into a bowl and used a spoon to eat it. Seras often pretended that it was nothing more than Tomato Soup. The taste was, of course, very different, but they looked fairly close to one another. And somehow pretending that she was only eating soup, made the vampire feel more normal, more human.

However tonight she was too worn out for such self delusions. She sunk her fangs into the pouch and drank it dry. It shriveled up like an empty Capri Sun pouch. Seras leaned against the wall and closed her eyes as the life giving blood took it's effect on her. Her wounds vanished, and Seras felt a slight buzz. She opened her eyes again only to see a strange looking man tip toeing through the kitchen.

Seras just stared at the man for a moment. His hair was long, unwashed and tied into dread locks. His clothes looked like something out of a pirate movie, and Seras was fairly certain that the man was wearing eyeliner.

_What on earth is this Man doing in Integra's kitchen?_ "Hey you!"

The pirate stopped for a moment and looked around. After seeing no one else in the room, he pointed to himself and mouthed, "Me?"

"Yes, you in the ridiculous hat, what do you think you're doing here."

The pirate spoke. "Wait a minute. You can see me?" He seemed positively amazed.

"Of course I can see you, you're standing right in front of me."

"That be true, love, but I'm dead."

"You maybe, if you don't tell me what you're doing here. Integra tends to take intruders very seriously."

"No, I mean I'm really dead." To prove his point, the pirate put his hand through a counter top.

Seras jumped back. "You... You really are dead?"

"Afraid so, love. I went down with my ship hundreds of years ago. Oh, she was a beautiful ship, the Black Pearl, perhaps you've heard of her."

Seras, still trying to recover, simply replied. "No, I'm afraid not." _Am I actually seeing a dead pirate? Well I am a vampire, so I guess I'm technically dead myself. Maybe that means I can see other dead people?_

"Such a shame. She was truly a wonder to behold, fastest ship on the sea."

"I'm sure she was, Mr.?"

"Captain, actually. Captain Jack Sparrow at your service." The pirate took off his hat and bowed. "And you would be?" Jack stood up and put his hat back on.

"Seras, Seras Victoria."

"Victoria? Such a pretty name." Jack took Seras's hand and kissed it.

_Did this ghost just kiss my hand? _"Mister Sparrow..."

"Captain! That's Captain Sparrow, love."

"Okay, Captain Sparrow, what exactly are you doing in Integra's kitchen?"

"Doing? What am I doing? Oh yes, give me a minute. I was just so surprised that someone could see me, I'm afraid I forgot what I came in here for. Um, oh yes, rum. I'm looking for the rum."

"Rum? Why would a ghost need rum?"

"I don't need it. I can quit anytime I want to." Jack let out a chuckle. "I just don't want to. Now, on to the rum."

Seras watched the ghost. By the way he was moving, she guessed that he'd already had more than his fair share of alcohol. _Who would've thought a ghost could get drunk and stagger around like an idiot?_ "Captain Sparrow, I'm afraid that we don't have any rum."

"No rum?" Jack spoke as if the girl had just confessed to some unspeakable, unthinkable sin. He recovered, though, then leaned in to whisper into her ear. "You're not a port girl, are you? I hate port, but I guess I'll drink it if there's nothing else."

"No, I'm not a port girl." Seras sounded insulted. "I don't drink." She remembered the blood packet still clutched in her hand. "Well, I don't drink alcohol at least."

"Don't drink!" Once again, Jack sounded shocked. "Next thing, you'll tell me you're still a virgin."

Seras blushed and looked down. "It's not polite to talk about such things."

"Oh this is just great." Jack looked up. "Well played, well played. Send me to limbo and deprive me of human contact for hundreds of years. Then let me find someone who can see me, a beautiful young woman to boot, only to discover that she's an uptight virgin, committed to sobriety. Oh yes, well played. Sir, I tip my hat to you." Jack did just that. Then he looked back at Seras and said, "I need a drink."

"I already told you, your not going to find any alcohol here."

"Oh don't be ridiculous. Maybe you don't drink; but, in a house this size, someone must." Jack pulled a compass from his pocket and looked at it. He did an abrupt about face, nearly falling over in the process, then pointed ahead and said, "This way to the rum." Jack took off.

Seras followed the dead pirate captain. She did try to stop him, but only once. She reached for his arm, but her fingers passed right through. It appeared that Jack could be tangible or intangible, whichever he chose. So instead of stopping Jack, Seras just followed the crazed pirate on his quest for rum.

Jack's compass finally led him to Integra's office. He started to walk through the closed door, but Seras shouted. "Wait!"

Jack stopped and looked back at her, his body still halfway through the door. "What?"

"You can't go in there. That's Integra's office. She'll kill you."

Jack laughed. "It's a little late for that now, isn't it. Besides, I have to go in there. That's where the rum is." Jack finished entering the office.

Seras bit her lip, then opened the door and walked in. Jack had already made a mess of the place. There were papers scattered everywhere. _Integra's going to be furious._ Seras looked at Jack, scowl across her face.

The pirate had finally found a bottle. He popped the cork and started drinking. For some reason, the liquid didn't pass right through him. After a moment, Jack spit a mouthful out. "That isn't rum!"

"Of course not, it's scotch. Didn't you read the label?"

"Oh, love, I never bother with labels." Jack looked into the bottle. "Well, it tastes like old wood, but I guess it's better than port." He went back to gulping it down.

Sears reached for the bottle and tried to pull it from the pirate's grasp. "Give me that! It's bad enough you messed up Integra's office. If she finds out that you drank all her scotch, she's going to get really mad." Jack didn't let go, and the two struggled for the bottle. Just then the first rays of sunlight poured in through the office window, and Jack vanished. Seras fell back, and the bottle spilled all over her.

It was then that Walter barged into the office. He'd heard shouting and come to investigate. As Walter looked around, his face fell into a shocked expression. "Miss Victoria?!"

It was then That Seras noticed the state of the office, her undignified position on the floor, the bottle of alcohol in her hand and the smell coming from her clothes. "This isn't what it looks like. There was this pirate ghost and, and he wanted rum. Of course, I told him that we didn't have any rum. So, he used a compass to find the bottle of scotch and... "

Walter sighed and in a patronizing tone replied, "Yes, yes of course. It's all the bad pirate ghost's fault. You can explain everything to Integra when she wakes up. For now, why don't you just wait here while I go get you some coffee?"

(Well, what did you think? Is it worth another chapter, or should I make it a one-shot?

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	2. Return of the Prirate Captain

**Chapter Two: Return of the Dead Pirate**

**AN: **Okay, I try to respond to all of my reviews. I apologize if I missed you for some reason, but I do try. The thing is Metroid criticized me for clogging up the end of my chapters with review replies and making them seem longer then they are. So I've started messaging my reviewers instead. The problem is that some of my reviewers are anonymous. So what I've decided to do is, respond through messages to anyone who has an account. If they don't I'll leave my response at the end of the next chapter. If you do have an account and would rather your response be posted at the end of the chapter than sent to you as a message, let me know and I will post it at the end. I'm just trying to make this as pleasant an experience as possible.

It was then That Seras noticed the state of the office, her undignified position on the floor, the bottle of alcohol in her hand and the smell coming from her clothes. "This isn't what it looks like. There was this pirate ghost and, and he wanted rum. Of course, I told him that we didn't have any rum. So, he used a compass to find the bottle of scotch and... "

Walter sighed and in a patronizing tone replied, "Yes, yes of course. It's all the bad pirate ghost's fault. You can explain everything to Integra when she wakes up. For now, why don't you just wait here while I go get you some coffee?"

* * *

**Five cups of coffee later**:

"But Master, you can't blame me for what the Police Girl did. She's the one who got drunk and trashed your office. I was just relaxing in my coffin."

"She's your fledgling. She's your responsibility."

Alucard turned to his wayward fledgling. He sighed. "Can't just drink your blood like a normal vampire? Oh no, you've got to raid the bosses liquor."

"But Master, I was drinking my blood, that's when I saw the ghost; and I didn't get drunk, really I didn't. It was the ghost. He messed up Integra's office and started drinking her scotch."

Alucard pinched the brim of his nose and sighed. "Yes, yes. It was all this Jack Sparrow's fault. You've already told us."

"Captain Jack Sparrow. He was very particular on that." Seras corrected her master and instantly regretted it.

Alucard's face went from a mixture of disappointment and embarrassment to anger. "Go to your room!"

"But Master?"

Alucard pointed to the office door and actually, literally put his foot down. "I said go to you're room! Get some sleep while you're in there. We'll talk about this in the evening, once you've had a chance to sober up."

Seras didn't bother trying to defend herself any further. It was obvious no one was going to believe her. She just stormed out of the office. As she walked down the hallway, Seras could still hear Integra and Alucard fighting over what to do about her 'little drinking binge'.

Seras went back to her room and replayed the whole ghost pirate captain thing in her mind. She really couldn't blame her master, Integra and Walter for not believing her. _It does sound crazy. Maybe I did imagine it. I know I wasn't drunk, but maybe there was something off with the blood I drank. Maybe some guy donated while he was high or something, but then how did I find Integra's scotch. I didn't even know she drank. I followed the pirate, didn't I? _Seras laid down in her bed/coffin and closed the lid. She hoped that whatever was wrong with her would be fixed by getting a good day's sleep.

* * *

Seras was woken by the sound of someone knocking on wood. She opened her eyes, and the darkness of her closed coffin greeted her. She could still hear the knocking; and, now that she was awake, Seras realized that it was coming from her coffin lid. She opened it up only to be greeted by the face of the same pirate ghost who had haunted her the night before. "Hello, love, time to wake up."

Seras's face turned to a scowl. She growled, "You!" and nearly lunged out of her coffin.

Jack backed up and put his hands up. Seras punched him; and for once, she'd moved too fast for Jack to go intangible. Her fist connected with his jaw, causing his head to quickly turn and knocking him to the ground.

Jack went intangible before Seras could get another strike in. He rubbed his jaw. "Not sure I deserved that." Jack got back up and looked at Seras. "You know most women just slap me."

"Well I'm not most women. Now, you, get out of here! You've already caused me enough trouble."

"I take it this means you're not pleased to see me."

"Pleased to see you? Pleased to see you!" Seras started to walk towards Jack. He maneuvered around the room's table, keeping it between the two of them. "Thanks to you, my master and boss think I stole her scotch, got drunk and trashed her office!"

Jack's maneuvering wasn't necessary. As long as the pirate stayed intangible, Seras couldn't hurt him; but staying out of reach of angry women had just become instinctive to Captain Jack Sparrow. "Now, now, love, wait a minute. You don't have to worry about that this time. I brought my own." Jack pointed to a bottle on Seras's dresser.

_Oh great, now I've got a bottle of alcohol in my room._ "Get that out of here before someone sees it!"

"Get rid of my rum?" Jack's voice carried the same tone as a man who'd just been told to take a drink from his radio. "Never."

"Well if you won't, I will." Seras started to head over to the bottle.

"Wait, love, what are you going to do to my rum?" Jack raced over and reached for the bottle at the same time as Seras.

For a moment, the two were again struggling over a bottle of alcohol. Then a realization dawned on Seras. _Wait, a minute. What am I doing? This is how I got in trouble last time._ As Seras let go of the bottle, Jack went back and crashed into the wall.

Jack inspected the bottle. The cork was still in it, so its liquid content was safe. Jack looked at Seras, "Well, love, glad to see you've come to your senses."

Seras didn't pay the pirate any heed. She was still going over things in her own mind. _Okay, the pirate's back. He's in my room with a bottle of rum. Oh, if Master were to walk in right now... _It was then that Seras had an epiphany. _Wait a minute, if Master walked in right now, he'd see Jack. Then he'd know I've been telling the truth. Of course what are the chances of him walking in right now? It's not like he frequently barges into my room, which normally I'm happy about, but now... Well, if Muhammad won't go to the mountain... _

A smile spread across Seras's face. It was the kind of smile that made Jack nervous. "Ah, love, what are you thinking about."

Seras replied in a coy voice. "Oh, I was just thinking that I'd like to introduce you to my master."

"Ahuh, and why would you be wanting to do that now?"

Seras pouted. "Just so that he'll know I wasn't lying." She gently kicked the floor with one foot. "You'll help me out, won't you?" Seras walked over to Jack. "Captain. Jack. Sparrow." Each of the last three words was accentuated by Seras lightly tapping a finger against Jack's chest. She may have been a virgin and a 'good girl', but Seras still wasn't above the occasional flirting to get what she wanted.

Jack smiled. "Of course, love, but you'll have to do something for me first." Jack, although he often played the part of a fool, was far from one. He knew exactly what Seras was doing and wasn't going to let her off so easily.

Seras recoiled a little at Jack's response. She warily replied, "And what exactly do I have to do for you?"

"Simple, love, I'm tired of drinking alone. Share the bottle with me, and then we'll go explain everything to your master."

Seras thought about Jack's deal for a moment then agreed. Although her and Jack took the same number of turns drinking from the bottle, Seras was careful to make sure that most of the rum flowed back into the bottle before she handed it over. She had no intention of letting the pirate ghost actually get her drunk.

If Jack knew what Seras was doing, he didn't say anything. So by the time the bottle was empty, Jack had swallowed the majority of the rum; and Seras had nothing more than a slight buzz. When Jack finished the bottle, he threw it behind him. The bottle shattered on the floor. Sears glared at jack but didn't say anything.

Jack smiled. "Well, it looks like we've run a ground. Hic." Jack got out of his chair, and stood up. "Stay here. I'll find us another bottle." He tried to turn around and, instead, ended up falling over. Seras stood up and walked over to the pirate ghost. He extended his hand. "Would you be willing to give an old pirate lord a hand getting up. I'm afraid that your room just won't stop spinning around, and it's making me awfully dizzy."

Seras sighed, pulled Jack up then let him lean against her for support. _At least he's not trying to cop a feel._

"Now then, where was I? Oh yes, off to the rum." Jack pointed at Seras's door.

"No, Jack. We made a deal, remember?"

"We did?"

"Yes, we did. I drink the bottle of rum with you, and you come with me to meet my master."

"Oh yes, quite right." Jack extended his arm again. "Off to the Master." He chuckled, then in a lower voice continued, "And then, off to the rum." Jack smiled.

Seras sighed again. _This time last year, I was just a regular bobby. How did my life come to this? Being a vampire working for a secret organization charged with killing vampires was weird enough. But now, I'm sharing a bottle of rum with a dead pirate, and then trying to drag said pirate to see my Vampire Sire so that he'll believe I didn't steel the boss's scotch and trash her office. What's happened to my life?_

Seras and Jack reached the door to Alucard's chamber. Seras was just about to grab the handle when the door opened from the other side. A man, who was wearing a brown robe and had the top of his head shaved, walked through the open doorway. The man, who looked very much like an olden day's friar, seemed to not even notice Seras. He just walked right through her.

Seras felt a cold chill run down her spine as the friar passed through her. She turned to look at him as he walked away. _Oh great, another ghost._ It was then that she noticed the new ghost had Alucard's gun. _As if an alcoholic pirate wasn't bad enough, now I've got to deal with some kind of kleptomaniac friar! When will this nightmare end? _Seras pointed at the new ghost. "Hey you, stop!" The friar looked over his shoulder and saw Seras pointing at him. She continued. "Come back with that gun." The friar took off.

Seras unslung Jack's arm from around her neck, and was about to take off after the friar. However, Jack started to stagger through the still open doorway. "Off to the Master."

Seras could just imagine what her master's reaction would be if he were woken up by a drunk pirate ghost only to find that his gun had been stolen. "No!"

"Not off to the Master?" Jack sounded confused, but then he perked up. "Off to the rum?"

"No, off to the Master; but not yet. My master will go ballistic if he finds his gun missing. You stay right here..." Seras pointed to the floor outside the doorway. "While I go and get the gun, okay?"

Jack made an okay sign with his fingers. "Sure thing love." He slumped to the floor. "I'll stay right here till you come back."

Seras turned back around and took off after the friar. She didn't like trusting Jack to stay out of trouble until she got back. Seras felt a little bit like she'd just left a bull in a China shop. But Jack would've slowed her down, and she had to get her master's gun back before he noticed it was missing.

Seras ran up the stairs and into the house's main area. It was then that her jaw dropped. It seemed that the friar wasn't the only thief in the house.

(Well, what did you think of the second chapter? Please Review. Thanks.

PS. Can anyone guess who the kleptomaniac friar is?

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)

(To klxz: I'm glad that you thought the first chapter was "hilarious!!" I hope you enjoyed the second chapter too, but I would appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain. Please. Thanks.)

(To jubiKaL: As you can see, I am continuing the story. I hope you enjoyed Integra's, although I ended up focusing more on Alucard. It just seemed more natural to have Integra upset at him and him upset at Seras for some reason. I hope you enjoyed the second chapter anyway and still think it's "Well done!")

(To anonymous: I'm glad that your enjoying watching Seras deal with Jack. I guess he is a little bit like Pip. As you can see, I am continuing. I hope you enjoyed the second chapter as much as the first.)

(To andy: I did. I hope you enjoyed it.)

(To all my reviewers: Thanks for the reviews and the positive reanfocement. I hope you continue to enjoy the story. Please keep reviewing, and don't be afraid to make suggestions. I can't promiss that I'll use every suggestion, but I will read them. And I'll probably use some. I really don't have very many ideas past the next chapter.)


	3. The French Hood

**Chapter Three: The French Hood.**

Seras turned back around and took off after the friar. She didn't like trusting Jack to stay out of trouble until she got back. Seras felt a little bit like she'd just left a bull in a China shop. But Jack would've slowed her down, and she had to get her master's gun back before he noticed it was missing.

Seras ran up the stairs and into the house's main area. It was then that her jaw dropped. It seemed that the friar wasn't the only thief in the house.

* * *

Seras could hardly believe it. There were ghost thieves everywhere. They were running in and out of every room, grabbing whatever valuables they could get their hands on. Most had canvas bags slung over their shoulders and were stuffing said valuables into them. Seras just stared for a moment as the thieves ran around, paying her no heed, while they robbed her boss blind. Seras, in an hushed voice that was barely above a whisper, said, "Stop." The ghosts ignored her and continued their plundering. Finally, Seras recovered from her shock and shouted at the ghosts, "Stop stealing Integra's stuff!"

The ghosts as if suddenly becoming aware of Seras's presence (although, in truth, simply realizing that she could see them) abruptly halted their criminal activity. They all turned to look at her. It was then that one of the ghosts, a man in green tights with a red feather stuck in his pointed green hat, made his way to the front of the crowd and spoke to Seras. "You can see us, mon cherie?" The man had a fairly thick French accent.

___Oh great, not this again_. "Yes, I can see you. And, before you say anything, yes I know you're dead. I'm a vampire and can, apparently, see dead people. Now just who are you, and why are you robbing my boss's house?"

"Of course how rude ah lala, please, let me introduce myself… Oh merrymen, hahahaha." At that, all the thieves dropped their loot, and the whole group burst into song.

Ta, da, da, da, da, da, whoo  
I steal from the rich and give to the needy.  
He takes a wee percentage, but I'm not greedy.  
I rescue pretty damsels, man, I'm good.  
What a guy, ha-ha, Monsieur Hood.  
Break it down.

Seras's eye twitched as the 'merrymen' started doing river stomp on Integra's dining room table. 'Monsieur Hood' continued, " I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid."

The merrymen cut in, "What he's basically saying is he likes to get..."

Seras interrupted, okay more like exploded, "STOP!!!" She was panting hard, trying desperately to control her temper. "Out! Everyone get out! Jack's caused me enough trouble! I don't need to deal with some French ghost who thinks he's Robin Hood!"

"Thinks, what do you mean thinks? I am Robin Hood."

"Robin was English."

"Sack-ra blue! Do you really believe that lie? Just because I worked in England that doesn't mean I'm English!"

"Fine! You're Robin Hood! I really don't care. Just get out of my boss's house before I get into more trouble."

It was then that Seras heard a feminine, English voice behind her. "Drunk again Seras? I swear, we're sending you to A.A. if this keeps up." Seras turned to see Integra standing behind her. Apparently the knight had heard Seras's shouting and come to see what the wayward vampire was up to now. Integra's gaze fell to the canvas bags on the floor. The English aristocrat continued, "And why exactly are my family heirlooms stuffed into canvas bags and lying on the floor?" Integra's face fell from stern to shock as an explanation dawned on her. "Seras, were... Were you robbing the mansion?"

Seras had never seen a shocked look on her boss before. Integra always seemed cool and collected... except for when she was angry and screaming. But, surprise? That was a new one to Seras. Integra's face began to twist into the more familiar, enraged expression; and Seras tried to explain before her boss lost her temper although the vampire doubted it would do much good. "No, I wasn't robbing the mansion. That was Robin Hood and his merrymen. You see, they rob from the rich and give to the poor; and, well, Sir Integra, you are rather rich..."

"Enough! First you blame a pirate for trashing my office, and now you expect me to believe that Robin Hood is robbing my home? You need to learn to take responsibility for what you do while you're drunk... Or better yet, stop getting drunk in the first place."

Seras stomped her foot. "I'm not drunk! Really, I'm not."

Interga's voice lost most of it's angry edge and regained the stern one it started with. "Seras, I can smell it from here."

Seras looked confused for a moment. Then she remembered the bottle of rum she'd shared with Jack. "I had to share a bottle of rum with Jack in order to convince him to come meet Master. I'm not drunk. I only had a very little bit, and that was only so I could prove that I didn't trash your office last night."

"Ahuh, so Alucard has seen this Captain Jack?"

Seras hesitated for a moment. "Well, no." She continued very quickly. "You see we were going to see Master when his door opened, and Friar Tuck came out with his gun and..."

Integra cut her off. "Stop. Just stop there, before you dig yourself any deeper."

"I know it sounds crazy, but... but it's the truth. I'm not making this up. It really is all the ghosts' fault." Seras turned to Robin Hood. "Do something so that Integra believes you're real."

"No."

"What, why not?"

"I see no reason why I should help you. You ruined my robbery and don't even believe that I..." The ghost waved his hand around before pointing to himself and continuing, "am Robin Hood."

"Oh come on, please?" Seras smiled widely at what, to Integra, looked like nothing more than empty air. "Just pick up one of the bags and swing it around or something."

"Ah, no. You told us to get out of your boss's house, and that's just what we're going to do. Oh, merrymen lets go. There are other rich houses nearby, and they most likely do not have drunken vampires to bother us." Robin Hood and his merrymen began to vacate the Hellsing mansion.

Seras yelled. "Get back here, and do something to convince my boss that you're real, you French thief! **And I'm not drunk**!!!" Seras's eye twitched again.

Integra spoke, "Really, Seras, that's enough." She was starting to think that this might be a little bit beyond a simple drinking problem. The kinght was starting to have serious doubts about the blonde vampire's mental state.

Seras turned back to her boss. It was then that Seras saw Jan Valentine turn a corner and walk into the room. Seras's reaction was both instinctive and immediate. She jumped to the side, rolled over to where Friar Tuck had dropped Alucard's gun, grabbed it, took aim and fired three rounds straight through Jan's head. The bullets passed through him harmlessly and shattered a Ming Vase behind where he was standing.

Jan exclaimed, "What the Fuck!"

Integra took cover and called for her servant. It appeared that the 'Police Girl' was getting violent, and Integra was unarmed at the moment. "ALUCARD!"

Although Alucard was still sleeping soundly in his coffin, his master's summons instantly awoke him. Alucard reached for his gun, only to find it missing. He searched his coffin for a brief moment. He was sure that he had it when he went to sleep. He didn't understand what could've happened to it. He heard his master's summons again and abandoned the search. Whatever was going on, Integra needed him immediately. He'd have to handle the situation without his delightful noise maker.

Alucard teleported to his master and could hardly believe his eyes. She was hiding behind a chair, and his fledglingwas facing her, holding his gun. She seemed to be attempting to apologize for something and was going on about the day the Valentine brothers attacked the mansion. Alucard turned to his fledgling and tried to contain his anger. Which was not an easy thing for the No-Life King to do. No one in their right mind would ever categorize Alucard as a restrained individual. "Police Girl, what do you think you're doing with my gun."

Integra replied, "Blowing holes in my family heirlooms, that is, the ones she didn't already try to steal."

Seras hid the weapon behind her back, a pointless move considering that Alucard had already seen it. "Ah, Master, let me explain. You see a ghost stole your gun."

Alucard began to slowly walk towards his fledgling. "Oh really, did this Jack Sparrow come by to pay you another visit?"

Seras didn't bother to correct the absence of the captain title this time. "Well, yes. But he wasn't the one who stole your gun."

"I see, so there's another ghost running around the mansion?" Alucard was still slowly drawing nearer.

Seras began to back away. "Master, I'm telling the truth. A bald guy in a brown robe took it. I'm pretty sure that it was Friar Tuck."

"Really? And just how did it come to be in your hand?"

Seras could tell that her master wasn't believing a word she was saying, but she continued anyway. She couldn't think of anything else to do. "Well you see, he dropped it when he and the rest of the merrymen broke into song." _Oh come on, Seras. Even you don't believe that one, _the vampire thought to herself but continued anyway. "And then when I saw Jan Valentine, I picked it up and shot him. Of course, since he's a ghost, the bullets went right through and destroyed the vase."

"Oh, now I understand. Friar Tuck stole my gun, and it's Jan's fault that the vase got broken."

Seras could tell that her master was just mocking her, that he didn't believe any of the tale. Jan was still standing in the other room, behind Alucard's back. He could tell that Seras was in serious trouble and had no intention of helping her out. Instead he just stuck his tongue out and made goofy faces at her as he hopped from one foot to the other. Alucard was in front of Seras now. He towered over her and was leaning forward, causing her to lean back. Seras pointed, "Master, if you'll just look behind you, you'll see that I've been telling the truth."

"I'm not falling for that old trick. I was around when they invented it. Now, what do you think we can do to stop all these 'ghosts' from haunting the mansion?"

Seras didn't answer. _If he'd just look behind him. _

"Oh, I know. Maybe we can get Anderson to come over and perform an exorcism. What do you think?"

Seras took a chance. She didn't imagine that things could get any worse. As quickly as she could, Seras grabbed Alucard's head and swirled it in Jan's direction. "Master, look."

(Well, what did you think of the third chapter? Do you think the story has run it's course, or should I continue it? Please Review. Thanks.

PS. In case anyone's wondering, I got the French Robin Hood and his song from the first Shrek movie.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	4. The Chase

**Chapter Four: The Chase.**

Seras didn't answer. _If he'd just look behind him. _

"Oh, I know. Maybe we can get Anderson to come over and perform an exorcism. What do you think?"

Seras took a chance. She didn't imagine that things could get any worse. As quickly as she could, Seras grabbed Alucard's head and swirled it in Jan's direction. "Master, look."

* * *

Jan saw Seras swirl Alucard's head and instantly tried to hide from the much larger, scarier vampire. He ran to the nearest wall, fully intending to phase through it. However, Jan was so scared that he forgot to go intangible. Instead of passing through the wall, he smacked his head into it at full speed. He fell backwards, landing on the floor, and brought his hand up to his head. Jan rubbed the bruised area and let out a string of swears that made Seras blush.

Through her blushing, Seras's mouth pulled itself into a small smirk. She'd done it, shown her master that the ghosts were real. And Seras had no doubt that, between the two of them, they could convince Integra. Yes Seras was quite pleased with herself. "See, Master, I told you they were real."

Alucard growled back, "Police Girl, remove your hands from my face at once."

It was then that Seras realized she was still holding her master's head, and he was obviously unhappy about it. She took her hands off of him and offered up a sheepish, "Sorry." _Okay, so maybe he's a little mad at me for swirling his head, but at least he knows I've been telling the truth._ It was then that Alucard turned back to his fledgling, flames dancing in front of his eyes.

Seras knew that something was wrong. She could understand her master being a little upset with her, but his attention should've been focused on the enemy vampire ghost. Seras began to back away from her Master again. "Ah, Master, didn't you see Jan Valentine?"

"Oh, of course I did. He was standing right between Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny."

"But... But you had to see him. He's right there." Seras pointed behind Alucard again. This didn't make any sense. Up till now, Seras assumed that she could see the ghosts because she was a vampire, but her master was a far more powerful vampire than her. If he couldn't see them, than something else was going on. _Maybe I really am crazy?_

Alucard was again drawing near his fledgling. He growled, "Police Girl, if I were you, I'd start running." Alucard's advice wasn't given out of any desire that his fledgling actually escape him or what he planned to do to her. It was motivated by the elder vampire's own selfish tastes. He liked to chase his prey.

Seras took off anyway. _Even crazy people want to live._ She ran to the nearest window and jumped through it, shattering the glass and spreading it all over the place. However, the busted window was the least of her problems. Seras had an ancient, extremely powerful vampire chasing her, one who was adapt at hunting down and ending other vampires. Not that Seras, thought her master would actually kill her. She doubted he would go that far. However, she could survive quite a bit of punishment thanks to her own vampire abilities, and Seras had no desire to let her master test the upper limits of her endurance.

Once out of the window, Seras chucked the Jackal as far as her Vampire strength allowed. She ran in the opposite direction. Seras figured that her master would reclaim his prized possession before coming after her, and any more time she could buy was welcome. Seras looked over her shoulder to see that she was right. Alucard had indeed gone for his gun first.

Seras continued running as fast as she could. She rounded the mansion only to bump into something and fall flat on her butt. "What the..." Seras looked up to see Jack staggering back to his feet. Apparently the pirate ghost was what Seras had bumped into.

"Oh, love, glad I found you. I've been looking for you everywhere. I found us another bottle." Jack held up a bottle of tequila that he could only have stolen from one of the side houses occupied by the Wild Geese.

Seras rolled her eyes at the pirate, then remembered the spot she was in and quickly got up. She started to run again, but Jack latched unto her arm. "Come on, love, and share another bottle with an old pirate." Jack pouted. "I hate drinking alone."

Seras roughly removed Jack's hand from her arm. "I don't have time for this! My Master's going to kill me."

"Oh, that again? Look, I'm a pirate of my word. Well, I am when it suits me at least. I promised to help you explain everything to your master. So when he gets here, we'll all sit down, have a little drink and get to know each other better, savy?"

"It won't work. For some reason, my master can't see you."

Jack stroked his chin. "Really, love? Now that's interesting. Tell you what, I'll help you hide from your angry master; and, in return, you share another bottle with me."

Seras eyed Jack warily. She knew that hiding was her best option. She'd never be able to outrun her master, but she doubted that Jack could be much help with avoiding Alucard's third eye. "What exactly makes you think you can help me hide."

"Oooh, I'm excellent at running and hiding. Like I always say, 'He who fights and runs away... lives to run away another day.'" Jack let out a chuckle.

Seras didn't see much choice. She could sense her master's presence drawing closer. He'd be rounding the mansion any moment. "Okay, it's a deal."

"Excellent, take my hand." Jack held his hand out to Seras.

"What? Why?"

"Just trust me, love."

_Trust you? That's like trusting the cat not to eat the canary, but what do I have to lose? _Seras took Jack's hand just a split second before Alucard came into view.

Seras couldn't believe it. Her master was not more than ten feet away, and he didn't seem to notice her. He was turning around and casting looks every which way. He looked very much like a confused man who'd just lost something.

Then what Seras was afraid of happened. She could feel her master's third eye passover her, and he began to walk near her and Jack. Seras was terrified. She was convinced that her master spotted her with his third eye, but Jack simply pulled her to the left, sidestepping her very angry, very confused master.

Seras breathed a sigh of relief. Somehow Jack was shielding her from her master's sight. Then Jack handed her the bottle of tequila. "A deal's a deal, love."

Seras took the bottle and brought it up to her lips. She let the liquid flow into her mouth, then flow back out as she lowered the bottle. It tasted different from the rum, and Seras suspected that it had a higher alcohol content.

Seras started to hand the bottle back to Jack, but he put up his hand. "Wait a minute, love." Jack used his free hand to pull out his sword. He had a very mischievous look on his face as he continued, "Watch this." Jack positioned the sword behind Alucard and drew it back.

Seras began to franticly shake her head, "No!" She couldn't actually say the word for she didn't know if Jack's concealment trick also hid her voice.

Jack ignored Seras's silent protests and swung his sword back, hard. It's flat side roughly collided with Alucard's back end, producing a loud thwack sound and making Alucard jump. He quickly turned around and fired instinctively, blowing a large hole in the side of the mansion.

Alucard's face fell when he saw what he'd done. Integra would not be pleased. Alucard rubbed his butt for a moment and looked around, trying to figure out what had hit him. Jack was laughing manically, and Seras was just barely able to contain her own laughter. After another moment of looking around and again searching with his third eye, Alucard was still unable to figure out what struck him. He scratched the side of his head with the barrel of his Jackal, then decided to search for his fledgling in a different area. First he'd lost sight of his fledgling, then he'd been hit by something that wasn't there. Strange things seemed to happen where he was.

Once Alucard was gone, Seras finally burst into a fit of laughter. Jack grabbed the bottle and took a swing from it, then handed it back to Seras. Once again, they finished a bottle of alcohol; and once again, Jack got the lion's share. However, between the two bottles, Seras had drunk enough that she was past the buzzed stage. She still wasn't completely 'falling down drunk', but she was a little disoriented. Still she decided, that as far as her nights went, this one hadn't been all bad.

* * *

Alucard continued to search for his fledgling. What he found instead was a monkey. Now Alucard had no idea how a monkey got into the grounds around his master's mansion, and he really didn't care. It was technically an intruder, which meant that he could shoot it. And, after the night he'd been having, Alucard desperately wanted to shoot something. Alucard aimed his Jackal and blew the monkey's head off, but then a most peculiar thing happened. The body scampered around, picked up the head, reattached it, and the monkey began shaking one of it's tiny fist at Alucard and chattering angrily.

Now maybe Alucard was a little warped. (Okay, there's no maybe about that.) Anyway, he found this to be quite amusing. He fired his gun again and blew off one of the monkey's arms, the one with the shaking fist. The monkey again scattered off, retrieved it's body part and reattached it. Alucard continued his sick game of 'blast the monkey part' until his clip was empty and he was laughing almost uncontrollably, then it happened. As the monkey was running from the sick vampire, it passed through a moon beam and Alucard saw it for what it really was.

Now Alucard had never seen a ghoul monkey before, but he could think of no other way to describe the strange creature that was now headed towards the mansion. Alucard took off after it. He had no intension of letting the monkey harm his master. Alucard attempted to shoot the thing again. Unfortunately, he'd already emptied his clip and didn't have the time to go get another. So, Alucard instead transformed into his demon dog form and chased the monkey through the mansion.

They knocked over tables, tripped Walter who was bringing Integra some tea to calm her down and pulled down the entrance chandelier which, as it turned out, could support the weight of a monkey but not that of a demon dog. Finally, Alucard seized the monkey in his powerful jaws. Integra, alerted to another problem by the clatter the two creatures made, chose that moment to enter the room.

Integra saw the awful mess that the two creatures had made. She exclaimed, "What happened here!" Then she turned and saw what looked very much like Alucard, in his demon dog form, shaking the life out of a poor defenseless monkey. Integra ran over to her pet and hit him on the nose. "No! Bad, Alucard. Bad. You stop that right now."

Alucard shifted back to human form, but kept the monkey firmly grasped in his right hand. "Wait, Master, you don't understand. It's a ghoul monkey."

Integra eyed her servant suspiciously. She pointed to the monkey. "It doesn't look like a ghoul to me."

"Well, no, not now; but it did."

"Uhuh."

"No really, Master. I'm telling you it's a ghoul."

Integra shook her head and let out a sigh. _Are all the vampires going crazy, or only those who serve me?_ "Alucard."

"Yes, Master?"

"Put the monkey down."

"But... But I just ran all over the mansion to catch it. It really is a ghoul. Watch. I'll pull it's head off and it'll reattach it."

"Alucard! I said put the monkey down." Alucard reluctantly did as he was ordered. "Good. Now clean up this mess then go wait in your dungeon until I summon you."

(Well, what did you think of the forth chapter? A lot of my reviewers were saying how sorry they felt for Seras, so I decided to pick on Alucard a little in this chapter. Which do you like better? Please Review. Thanks.

Next chapter: The Monkey's owner shows up. He blames Jack for his missing Monkey. They start fighting and Seras runs away the crazed 'dueling pirate ghosts'. She discovers the ghost of an old friend and gets an unexpected kiss.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	5. Old Friends

**Chapter Five: Old Friends.**

"Put the monkey down."

"But... But I just ran all over the mansion to catch it. It really is a ghoul. Watch. I'll pull it's head off and it'll reattach it."

"Alucard! I said put the monkey down." Alucard reluctantly did as he was ordered. "Good. Now clean up this mess then go wait in your dungeon until I summon you."

* * *

"But what about Police Girl?"

"I'll handle her myself."

"But she's delusional. What if she hurts you?"

"She's delusional? If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black." Integra looked into her pet monster's eyes. She saw that he was genuinely concerned for her safety. Integra sighed, then pated the rapier that now hung from her side. "Don't worry. I can handle myself, but I doubt it'll come to that." Integra's voice grew stern again. "Now get to cleaning up this mess like you've been ordered."

"Yes, Master." Alucard split apart into different shadows and retrieved a broom, dust pan, mop, bucket, brush and five rolls of bounty paper towels. He pulled himself back together and went to work obeying his master.

Integra was on her way out, when she passed by her office and saw the monkey inside. He was hopping up and down in her chair, drinking the rest of her bottle of scotch. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Integra let out another sigh. _Crazy vampire servants and wild drunken monkeys, why does everything happen to me?_ "Walter!"

It took just over a minute for the butler to rush into the hallway. "Yes, Sir Integra?"

"I want you to catch that monkey, but don't hurt it. Poor thing's been through enough already. Once, you've caught it, call the zoos and find it a home."

Walter offered up a little bow. "Yes, Sir Integra."

The corner of Integra's lip curled slightly. _At least, I can always depend on Walter._ She continued out of the mansion.

* * *

Seras was sitting on the ground. Both her and Jack were leaning on each other for support. The bottle of tequila lay empty and discarded a few feet away. Jack and Seras's hands were both still clasped together. Seras thought about the ghost who was holding her hand for a moment. Although he'd turned her life upside down, she had to admit that he wasn't all bad. He even reminded her a little of someone who she deeply missed, a Frenchman who was just as big a drunk as Jack and a bit more perverted. Although it defied her logic, Seras had deeply cared for, possibly even loved, that one eyed Frenchman; and he'd left a soft spot in her heart for people like Jack.

Seras was awoken from her drunken contemplation by a deep and menacing "Arg!" She looked over to see another man dressed in pirate clothing coming towards her and Jack. The man was broader than Jack and had a long, full beard. As the man neared them, Seras watched as half of him passed through a tree. _Oh, that's just fantastic! Like I really needed another pirate ghost._

Seras stared at the approaching ghost. "Let me guess. Black Beard?"

The pirate was momentarily taken back. "No, I'm Captain Barbossa. You can see me?"

Seras let out a small growl. She was getting very tired of that question. "Yes; and before you ask, I have no idea why."

"Well, that be mighty interesting; but, right now, I'm only concerned with getting Jack back."

"You want him? He's yours!" Seras pointed to the passed out pirate beside her, then felt bad as a thought popped into her head. She rather meekly asked. "You're not planning on hurting Jack, are you?"

Barbossa reached down and lightly slapped the other pirate ghost's face a couple of times. "Not if he gives me back me monkey."

Jack started to come to. He saw a blurry figure in front of him. "Oh, five more minutes, love."

"Afraid not, puddin." Jack thought that something was wrong with Seras. Her voice was off. Jack rubbed his eyes, and the blurry figure began to clear into the face of Barbossa.

Jack jumped back. "You!" He staggered to his feet. "What are you doing here?"

Seras tried to stagger to her feet as well, only to find that it wasn't as easy as Jack made it look. Her foot slipped out from underneath her, and she did a face plant into the ground. On her second attempt, Seras succeeded in standing up.

Barbossa stared at Jack. "I want me monkey back."

Seras asked, "I thought you wanted Jack back?"

Barbossa looked at her and replied, "Yes, that's what I said."

"No you didn't. You were going on about a monkey."

"We named the monkey 'Jack'."

"What we?"

"Me and me crew."

Jack cut in. "Excuse me. I think you mean my crew. You were just a mutineer."

Barbossa laughed. "Is that why you stole me monkey, to get back at me after all these years? Oh, Jack, you really must learn to let bygones be bygones."

"I did not steal your monkey. I have... Hic. Excuse me. As I was saying, I haven't even seen him for over a hundred years."

"You really expect me to believe that it's a coincidence that you 'just happen' to be around when I lose me monkey? Come on, Jack. You can do better than that."

Seras's brain was running a little slow, from floating in too much alcohol, so it took a minute for the pirate ghost's conversation to register. "Wait a minute! You've had the same monkey for over a hundred years! Don't tell me it's another ghost?!"

Jack was the one to answer, "Not quite, love. The monkey's undead. It's under the curse of a gold coin."

_You have got to be kidding me!_

Barbossa cut back in. "Enough procrastinating! Are you going to give me back me monkey, or not?"

Jack shifted his stance into what he believed to be a more authoritative one. He stumbled a little in the process. "Sir. I do not now, nor have I ever had, your monkey."

Barbossa pulled out his sword and swung at Jack. "I'll make you talk!"

Jack pulled out his own sword, and there was a twang sound as he blocked the blow. "Oh, that's just brilliant. Are we to be two immortal pirate ghosts, battling each other until the Second Coming?"

"No! Just until you give me back me monkey." Barbossa swung at Jack's head.

Jack ducked under the blow. "Ah, but no man can give what he does not possess." Jack swung at Barbossa, but another twang sound erupted as the other pirate ghost blocked the blow.

Seras was just running away (Okay, make that very quickly stumbling away) from the dueling pirate ghosts. She had no idea if their swords could actually hurt her, but she didn't want to take the chance. They were ghosts, so the swords must have been some kind of spiritual manifestation.

Seras ran until she reached the top of a small hill, then she tripped over an exposed root and did another face plant. "Oooh! Why does everything bad happen to me!"

A voice from over head answered, "That's a complicated question." Seras looked up and saw Helena floating above her. The librarian vampire, turned ghost, continued, "There are various philosophies on why bad things happen to good people. The Buddhists believe..."

Seras interrupted. "Helena!" She practically leapt to her feet and pulled the ghost into what was a rather undignified hug. "Oooh, I never thought I'd see you again. Where did you come from?"

Helena suffered the minor indignity for a moment, then phased through Seras's arms and took a floating position a few feet in front of her. "As I said before, even our kind are permitted to wander the spiritual realm once our bodies are gone. I've been checking in on you, from time to time, since my death. Only now that you've become a nexus, you can see and hear me."

Seras looked a little confused. "What's a nexus?"

"A nexus is what you have become. For lack of a better description, it is a soft spot between dimensions, an area where they overlap. These nexuses are usually places, but a few special individuals are born as living nexuses. This was obviously not the case for you, so I'm assuming that you must have drunk blood from one such individual."

Seras thought for a moment and remembered the packet of blood she sucked down right before she saw Jack for the first time. "What would drinking blood have to do with becoming a nexus."

Helena chuckled slightly. "Life is in the blood. When you drink the blood of another, you take a part of them into you. Drink the blood of a nexus and you become on yourself."

"So anyone who drunk the blood would be able to see ghosts?"

"Well, not exactly. Normal humans don't absorb the blood they drink, but any vampire would've gained the same abilities you have. I must admit. I'm a little surprised that you got a nexus's blood. They can see our kind for what we really are and usually keep away from us."

"It was from a blood bank."

"Oh, that explains it."

"Helena?"

"Yes?"

"Are... Are there really ghosts all over the place, watching everything we do?"

"Oh my, no. The population of limbo is actually quite small compared to the land of the living. When most people die, they are either welcomed into eternal bliss or cast into everlasting darkness. Only a few are sent to limbo. It's where the hopelessly evil are separated from the marginally good."

"If there are so few in limbo, how come I've met over fifteen ghosts in less then twenty four hours?"

Helena answered in the tone of a mother who was trying to use simple terms to explain something complicated to her daughter. "Because you are a nexus. You bridge the boundaries between dimensions. Around you the souls trapped in limbo can regain some semblance of a normal life. They are drawn to you. Many would not even realize why."

"Wait, so you mean I'm going to be surrounded by rogue spirits for the rest of my life!"

A voice behind Seras replied, "Come now, Mignonette. We're not all bad, are we?"

Seras recognized the voice. _It can't be him. He's long gone. But If I can see ghosts? No. Don't get your hopes up. _She quickly spun around and was, rather roughly, pulled into a deep kiss. She closed her eyes for a moment, then Pip broke the kiss and pulled back from her.

He spread his arms. "Well, Mignonette, what did you think? As good as you remembered?"

Seras slapped the French ghost's face, hard. His head spun completely around a few times. Somehow, the sight managed to look both comical and disturbing. When Pip's head stopped it was on backwards. He grabbed it and twisted it straight. "Is that anyway to greet the man you love?"

"You don't just walk up and French kiss someone. It's... rude."

A roguish smile spread across Pip's face. "Ah, but I am French. Any kiss I gave you would've been a 'French Kiss', and I thought so much time apart warranted a kiss hello. Would you have preferred a handshake, Mignonette?"

Seras eyed the French ghost. After he'd died, he'd served as her familiar until the war with Millennium had ended. Then she'd released his spirit. She didn't feel right about holding onto it; not after she no longer needed his help. She felt like she was holding his soul in a dark cage, and it made her feel... evil. She hoped that his soul would reach Heaven, but it seemed he'd been cast into limbo along with the others like him. Seras found herself, selfishly, pleased by this fact.

She remembered an old sang. _If you love something, let it go. If it returns, it'll be yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with_. Well, Pip had returned to Seras; and she felt a little guilty for slapping him.

She turned to Helena. "Could you give us a few minutes, please." Seras smiled at her friend. _Helena and Pip, maybe this seeing dead people thing isn't so bad after all._

A knowing smile spread across Helena's face. "Of course. I'll continue to check in on you from time to time, but I'll let you and your boyfriend spend some alonetime together." Helena floated away.

Seras turned back to Pip. He wore the same knowing smile that Helena had. "Now that we are alone, Mignonette, what do you have in mind."

Seras coyly curled her finger at the ghost. "Come here." He walked over to her; and, this time she pulled him into a deep kiss. Their hands began to travel across each others bodies.

* * *

Integra had finally found the wayward fledgling. Seras was standing on top of a hill. Integra walked over to it; but as she drew near, she saw a rather repulsive sight. The insane vampire was apparently tonguing and groping empty air. Seras let out a moan, and Integra nearly lost her dinner. Watching the female vampire make out with the air was not her idea of a good time. No, not at all. Integra shouted, "Seras Victoria, you stop that this instant!"

(Well, I hope you liked chapter five. I was pretty tired when I wrote most of it and I waisted quite a bit of time explaining what was going on, but I think I needed to. Now that Alucard can't see the ghosts, I need an explanation besides, "Seras is a vampire so she can see ghosts." Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the fifth chapter? If I do a sixth, I should be able to cram in a little bit more comedy. However, I'm not sure what to do next. I'm sort of running out of ideas. Anyway, Please Review. Thanks.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)

(To Anonymous: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you enjoyed the dead monkey. I hope you got a kick out of this chapter to. I did kind of give a reason for Alucard's inability to see the ghosts. I know it's a little flimsy, but this is a humor fic. You're not suppose to take it too seriously. Anyway, I hope you continue to enjoy this.

To Nightfeathers: Thanks for the review. I'm glad chapter four had you rolling. I hope you enjoyed this on as much.

Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	6. You Better Start Believing in Ghost Stor

**Chapter Six: You Better Start Believing in Ghost Stories.**

Integra had finally found the wayward fledgling. Seras was standing on top of a hill. Integra walked over to it; but as she drew near, she saw a rather repulsive sight. The insane vampire was apparently tonguing and groping empty air. Seras let out a moan, and Integra nearly lost her dinner. Watching the female vampire make out with the air was not her idea of a good time. No, not at all. Integra shouted, "Seras Victoria, you stop that this instant!"

* * *

Seras finally noticed Integra's presence. Her cheeks flushed a bright red as Pip began to unbutton the top of her uniform. Either the Frenchman still hadn't noticed that Integra was watching, or he simply didn't care. Seras suspected the latter. "Stop."

"Stop, Mignonette? Are you sure?"

Pip gently nibbled on Seras's earlobe causing the girl to giggle as she replied, "I said stop. Integra's watching."

"So what? Let her watch. It's not like she can do anything." Pip moved his right hand causing Seras to moan again. Integra's face turned green, and she grabbed her stomach. Pip continued, "Well, not anything to stop us, anyway."

Seras's voice grew stern. "I'm not doing this with an audience."

Pip sighed. "Okay, fine." He pulled back from Seras and grumbled, "Always with the interruptions."

Seras looked over at her boss. "Integra, are you okay?" Integra looked like she was about to toss her cookies.

"Am I okay? Am I okay?! No, I'm not okay! I've got two vampire servants. One's trying to steal my stuff and making out with the air, while the other's destroying my house because he's chasing after a monkey he thinks is a ghoul!"

"Master found Jack?"

"What do you mean he found Jack? You said Jack was a pirate?"

"No. Not Jack the Pirate Ghost, Jack the Undead Monkey."

"What!" Seras began to open her mouth, but Integra cut her off. "I don't want to hear it! I've already ordered Alucard to go to the dungeon, once he's done cleaning up his mess; and I'm ordering you to it, as well."

"But... but we have to give Jack the Monkey back to Barbossa so that he'll stop attacking Jack the Pirate. Otherwise you're going to have two pirate ghosts dueling in your courtyard until the Second coming."

Integra's eye started twitching. She pulled out her rapier. "I told you to go to your cell. Don't make me force you to..." Integra stopped talking as she felt something tugging on her sword.

Pip wasn't too happy about the Hellsing heir pulling a sword on his girlfriend and was attempting to yank it from her hand. Integra was resisting with all her might. She now had her whole body weight into the struggle, as did Pip. "Give me that sword!" The rapier slipped out of Integra's grasp causing both her and Pip to fall backward. They each stood back up, Pip now holding the sword and moving it in mock fencing motions.

Integra looked at her sword, floating around in mid air. She looked back at Seras, who asked, "Now do you believe me?"

* * *

It hadn't taken Alucard long to clean up the mess. He had vampire speed and could split himself up. As a result, the mess was cleaned in under three minutes, leaving Walter to wonder why Integra didn't use Alucard for the cleaning more often and give her poor, old butler a break.

After cleaning the mess, Alucard obeyed the rest of his master's order. He sunk down through the floor and went to his cell. Unfortunately, there wasn't much in Alucard's cell to keep him occupied. He paced the floor for about ten minutes, sat in his throne for another five, then decided to go back to sleep. His Master had woken him up a couple of hours early, and there really wasn't anything else to do.

* * *

A pointed, white faced man in a purple suit searched through the products in Seras's makeup draw. The man, who very much resembled a clown out of some child's nightmare, had no idea why he could suddenly interact with things in the living world; and he didn't much care. He was going to make good use of this fortunate turn of events.

The Man picked out the lip gloss, added it to the rest of the makeup he'd taken and left the room. He proceeded down the dungeon corridor to the next room and opened the door slightly. He found his victim, an all together too serious individual, lying asleep in his coffin. This was going to be so much fun. The man did so love picking on people who liked bats.

* * *

Integra stood, thinking. Seeing her Rapier floating in mid air had cut through some of her skepticism, but it wasn't solid proof that the mansion was being overrun by ghosts. "Well, Alucard can move things by telekinetics. You might have simply manifested the same ability."

A tiny amount of frustration bled through Seras's voice. "Oh, come on! Do you really think that's more likely than a ghost? I mean we hunt vampires and ghouls down for a living. Are you really that closed minded about ghosts?" _Just what do I have to do to prove I'm telling the truth here?_

"Careful, Seras. You're bordering on insubordination."

Pip whispered in Seras's ear. "If you want, I know how to prove to her that we're real." The whispering into Seras's ear was completely unnecessary, and Pip knew that. He simply enjoyed doing it.

Seras eyed Pip for a moment. She knew that he could be a pervert at times. "What do you have in mind?"

Pip guessed Seras's meaning. "Jealous, Mignonette?" He laughed before continuing, "Don't worry. I won't even touch her."

"You promise?"

Pip crossed his heart. "Cross my heart and hope to... " Pip chuckled. "Well, die again I guess."

"Well, okay."

"Good, good. I'll be back in a minute, and the boss lady will know that you've been telling the truth." Pip handed Integra's rapier to Seras, then floated off towards the mansion.

Seras turned to Integra. "You'll see. Just wait a minute. Pip's going to prove that they're real."

"Pip huh?"_ Of course. Why not? She obviously cared for Captain Bernadotte. I'm actually surprised it took her this long to dream him up._

Five minutes later, Pip still hadn't returned. Integra was tapping her foot impatiently. "You said one minute, and it's been over five. Just how long is this going to take?"

_Oooh, what was I thinking? Trusting Pip to prove my sanity? I __**must**__ be crazy! _Pip chose that moment to rise up out of the ground. He startled Seras slightly. She jumped back and eeped. Integra raised an eyebrow.

Pip apologized. "Oh, sorry, Mignonette. I didn't mean to surprise you. I've just gotten kind of use to going through objects, what with being a ghost and all."

"That's okay. If you can really prove to Integra that I'm not crazy, all's forgiven."

"Oh, don't worry. I've brought proof." As if on cue Jan rose up from the ground.

"What is **he** doing here?!"

"Now, now, Mignonette, calm down. He's my friend."

"**He's** your friend?!"

"Well, yes. We've been haunting the same mansion for quite awhile, and... Well anyway, we've got some similar interests."

Seras sardonically replied, "Yeah, I'll bet you do."

Jan cut in. "Hey, Bitch!" Seras and Pip both glared at him. "Ah, sorry. Let me try again." Jan did a little bow and continued. "Oh, great and powerful nexus, please accept aid from this, thy lowly servant." Jan kneeled down and started doing tribal chants. "Hey-ya ho-ya. Hey-ya ho-ya. Hey-ya ho-ya. Ummmmm..." Pip walked over and bopped Jan on the head.

"Ow!" Jan rubbed the top of his head. "What was that for?"

"Stop acting like an idiot."

"You fucking glare at me for being myself and bop me for trying to be fucking respectful. Just what the fuck do you want from me anyway?"

Seras cut in. "You weren't trying to be respectful. You were making fun of me!"

Integra asked, "Pip was making fun of you?"

"Ah, no. It was his friend."

"Ahuh, of course?" _If the ghosts aren't real, she's really gone off the deep end, imagining that her delusions are making fun of her._

Pip hoisted Jan to his feet. "Just prove to Integra that we're real, like we talked about. And don't insult my girlfriend."

"Oh, fine!" Jan walked over to Integra. "I've been waiting for this for a long time anyway."

Seras started to run towards Jan. "If you hurt her, I swear..."

Pip blocked Seras's path. "Don't worry. He won't hurt her, and he's agreed to keep it PG."

Seras turned to Pip, confused look on her face. "What?" Just as the question left Seras's mouth, Integra felt something pull her back, something else was pressed against her lips and something, that felt very much like an incredibly long tongue, entered her mouth. Integra twisted in protest, and her right hand came up to strike whatever it was that was pressed against her face.

Seras screamed, "Let her go!"

Jan broke the kiss and stood Integra back up. "Oh, baby! What a kisser." Jan thumped the ground several times with his left foot and let out a wolf whistle. He then proceeded to howl.

Integra exclaimed, "What the hell was that?!"

Seras stopped casting alternating glares between Pip and Jan long enough to meekly answer, "Well, you see... Um, Integra, that was a kiss."

Integra roughly wiped her mouth. "No shit, sherlock! But who did the kissing? I felt... I felt fangs!"

Seras backed up three steps and hid the rapier behind her back. "Well... Um, the thing is... You see, he's Pip's friend, and uh..."

Integra was advancing on the fledgling now. Her voice was strained. "Seras? Out with it!"

The words burst from Seras's mouth so fast that they merged together. "ItwasJanValentine."

"Jan? Jan! Jan Valentine's ghost just kissed me!"

Seras pointed at her boss. "Ahuh! So you do believe in the ghosts."

Integra reached for Seras's neck. Then, using every single ounce of self control, pulled her hands back before they made contact. Integra's face twisted into a horrible expression that Seras had never seen before and prayed she never would again. Seras was quite certain that, even with his shape shifting powers, even her Master couldn't have mustered up a more terrifying expression. Integra growled, "Seras, go to your cell this instant."

Seras didn't bother to protest this time. In fact, she was very grateful for the opportunity to get away from the obviously enraged Integra. Seras sprinted to her room, Pip happily following after her.

* * *

The man in the purple suit had moved on to Integra's office. He'd taken the cigars out of her cigar box, unrolled them, scraped nine tenths of the filling out, and was replacing it with explosive powder from a couple of hand grenades. As the man replaced the cigar filling, he smacked his lips together a few times.

He expected a much bigger boom than you'd get from a novelty cigar. "With any luck, it'll blow her head right off." The Man chuckled. "Serves her right for having all those schemes and being so serious." _Why, so, serious?_ The man finished stuffing the cigars, rerolled them and placed them back in the cigar box. He went over to the left far corner, sat down and waited. He rubbed his hands together, expectantly. _This is going to be so funny!_

(Well, I hope you enjoyed the sixth chapter. I know that it was a little slow, but I tried to make it funny. Anyway, I hope you liked it. The next chapter will be a little wacky as Seras and her friends try to catch the white faced pranking ghost.)

(To Anonymous: Thanks for the review. You seem to be enjoying the crazy drunken lunacy of this. I hope you continue to.

PS. Pip should meet Jack in the next chapter.

To Lilly bet: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you "love" the story and it has "tickled" you so much. I hope you liked the last chapter as much.

To all of my readers and reviewers: Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	7. Flying Saucers and Exploding Cigars

**Chapter Seven: Flying Saucers and Exploding Cigars**

Integra reached for Seras's neck. Then, using every single ounce of self control, pulled her hands back before they made contact. Integra's face twisted into a horrible expression that Seras had never seen before and prayed she never would again. Seras was quite certain that, even with his shape shifting powers, even her Master couldn't have mustered up a more terrifying expression. Integra growled, "Seras, go to your cell this instant."

Seras didn't bother to protest this time. In fact, she was very grateful, for the opportunity to get away from the obviously enraged Integra. Seras sprinted to her room, Pip happily following after her.

* * *

When Seras reentered the mansion, she found a rather long trail of smashed pottery, overturned chairs and cut up paintings. Seras guessed that the destruction was the work of more ghosts. Now the logical side of Seras's mind told her that every time she got involved in ghost antics, somehow, she got blamed for them. The smart thing to do would've been to go to her cell like she was ordered and just let the ghosts run amok, but Seras just couldn't do that. She had a naturally curious nature and wanted to know what was happening. She followed the trail, and Pip followed her.

The trail led through the mansion's interior and to the kitchen. As Seras and Pip reached it, they could hear Walter yelling, "No! Not the good China!"

Seras opened the door to find the aged, but still spry butler, diving to catch a large, China serving platter. He caught it, looked up, saw Seras and said, "Oh, Miss Victoria, thank goodness you're here..." The butler stopped talking as he set the platter down and leapt to grab a water pitcher. He caught it in mid air and continued, "The mansion..." Walter stopped again as he ducked under a flying saucer. (He'd apparently given up trying to save the small stuff.) "The mansion's haunted!"

The butler was, of course, correct. The soaring dishes were indeed caused by ghosts, specifically Jack and Barbossa who's dueling had apparently moved inside the mansion. Seras crossed her arms in front of her chest as she gave the butler a smug 'I told you so' look. "Oh, so now, you believe me?"

The butler replied in that superior, refined, droll and slightly arrogant tone that only someone raised around the British aristocracy could manage. "Well, having the dinnerware flying around the mansion does lend some credibility to your claims."

The butler walked over to Seras. He was still holding the water pitcher; that was, until he and Jack got too near each other. Jack reached over and grabbed the water pitcher. "Thanks, mate." He threw it at Barbossa, only to have his target go intangible and the projectile shatter on the far wall.

Walter's hand went up to his head. "This is utterly ridiculous. Vampires and ghouls are one thing, but this? I'm not trained for this!"

Seras couldn't help but feel sorry for the kind, old butler. She pulled him next to her and out of the line of fire. "The monkey that Sir Integra mentioned, the one that Master was chasing all through the mansion, where is it?"

Walter confusedly looked at the she-vamp for a moment. "I finally caught it. It's in a cage in a room three doors down. Why?"

"That's what they're fighting over."

"You're kidding, right?"

Seras sighed. "Believe me. I wish I was. But as preposterous as it might sound, that monkey really is undead and it's one of the ghost's pets. He blames the other ghost for... Oh, just go get the monkey, and I'll try to stop the fighting."

Walter shook his head excitedly. The whole thing sounded insane; but if retrieving the monkey would stop what was left of the good China from flying around his kitchen, the butler was willing to try it. He raced out of the room.

With Walter gone, Seras turned her attention to the two battling, pirate ghosts. "Um, excuse me?" Jack and Barbossa ignored the cute vampire and continued their duel. Seras tried again, increasing the volume of her voice somewhat. "Excuse me." Still she was ignored. She finally shouted. "Hey will you two just stop fighting for a minute and listen!" The shout was accompanied by the sound of gunfire as Pip fired four rounds through the ceiling in a misguided attempt to assist his girlfriend.

Seras turned and glared at Pip, who offered up a sheepish apology. "Uh, sorry Mignonette, but at least it got their attention."

The gunfire had indeed gotten the pirate ghost's attention, or maybe it had been the Nexus's shouting. Either way, the two had stopped fighting and were now staring at Seras. She looked back at the two. "Okay, Barbossa, look; Jack didn't steal your monkey. Somehow he must've gotten away from you, and my master chased him around the mansion." Barbossa opened his mouth, but Seras cut him off. "Don't worry, your monkey's fine. Apparently he was finally caught and caged. Walter's fetching him as we speak."

Jack looked at Barbossa. "Told you I didn't steal him. I want an apology." Sears gave Jack a stern look. After multiple, failed relationships and many, many slaps in the face; Jack had, learned the hard way, not to argue with **that** look. He continued, "But, uh... You can give it to me later."

It was then that Walter came back into the kitchen, carrying the caged monkey. _Good, no __soaring China._ He opened the cage and the monkey leapt out.

The monkey scurried over to Barbossa and climbed to his shoulder. It began chattering. Barbossa replied, "Yes, yes. I've missed you too." Then he turned back to Seras. "Uh, sorry about the mess."

"Don't worry about it, but if you could please leave the mansion. No offense, but I have enough problems trying to deal with just the one pirate ghost."

Barbossa laughed, deeply. "No offense taken. I know well enough what a handful either Jack can be." As Barbossa finished his statement, something caught Monkey Jack's eye, and he leapt from Barbossa's shoulder. The monkey scurried over to a bag of peanuts that had fallen to the floor during the previous commotion. Jack the Monkey picked up the bag, tore it open and was just about to eat the first peanut, when there was the sound of an old buccaneer's pistol firing. Jack the Monkey's head flew off his shoulders; and as the body scampered off to retrieve its head, everyone stared at Jack the Pirate.

By way of an excuse, Jack simply said, "My peanut." As he walked over and retrieved his booty.

Barbossa just rolled his eyes and groaned.

* * *

Integra had reentered the mansion to be greeted by the same trail of destruction Seras had seen. Integra sighed, shook her head and then went to her office. It had been a very trying night. The Hellsing heir was stressed out and jonessing for a tobacco fix.

Integra entered her office, removed one of her prized cigars from the case atop her desk, clipped the end, lit up and took her first drag. _Ahhh. That's the stuff. I can already feel the stress just melting away._

The Joker, still waiting in the corner, rubbed his hands expectantly. _Sooo, much fun!_

* * *

Jack the Monkey had retrieved his head; and after stopping to shake his fist and chatter at Jack the Pirate, he returned himself to Barbossa's shoulder. Barbossa looked over at his monkey. "Come on. Lets get out of here before they do something else to you." And with that, he walked out of the room.

Jack walked over to Seras. "Hey, love, want a peanut." He held the bag out to her.

"Um, no thanks. I've been ordered to my cell, and I've got to get going." Seras turned and started to walk away.

Jack intercepted her. "Oh, come on, love. They're really good."

Pip walked up beside Seras and cut in, "Hey! Who do you think you're calling 'love'?"

"Pip, please? He's just a friend." Seras locked hands with the spirit of her jealous boyfriend.

Jack saw this and looked up at the ceiling, "Oh, come on! Why can't I **ever** get the girl?"

* * *

Barbossa was nearly out of the mansion when his pet monkey caught the sent of expensive cigar smoke and, again, leapt off of his shoulder. The monkey went straight for Integra's office. Barbossa followed after it. He had no intention of loosing his monkey again.

Integra was nearly a tenth of the way through her cigar, when the stupid monkey from before, the one who had finished off her scotch, came bounding into her office. It leapt up, grabbed the cigar from her hand and landed on her desk.

Integra shouted, "Hey! Give that back!"

The Joker made a shoeing motion with his hands. "Go! Go!. Get out of here! You'll ruin everything!"

Barbossa came in. "Jack, now what are you getting into?"

Jack the monkey ignored them all and took a long drag from the expensive cigar. A crackling boom split the air, and monkey parts went flying everywhere.

The Joker slapped his forehead. _So close. I was sooo close._

Barbossa made a face akin to a parent, who's child complained of a stomachache after consuming a three pound bag of candy. "Jack, how many times have I told you, 'smoking's bad for your health'?"

Integra, not quite sure what had happened, but knowing that an explosion had occurred dangerously close to her, shouted for her servant. "Alucard!" Then she turned and saw the monkey's arm pulling itself across the floor. The arm passed through a moon beam, entering in through the office's large window. _What do you know? I guess it was a ghoul monkey, after all. Great. That just... figures._

For the second time that night, Alucard was awoken by his master's summons. Although, this time, he didn't mind it at all. If Integra was calling for him, it meant that his punishment was over. _Ha, ha! Free of the dungeon again, and in record time too! _Alucard quickly teleported out of his coffin and into his master's office; but even with all the previous, ludicrous things that had happened around and to Integra over the last couple of days, nothing had prepared her for the shock of her servant's 'new look'.

Alucard's face had been powdered completely white. A huge smile had been painted across his jaw line, in red lip gloss no less. Around his eyes was scattered sparkling purple eye shadow, and someone had used an eyeliner pencil to draw cat whiskers around his nose. All of this was only accentuated by the toothy grin that Alucard wore whenever his Master summoned him.

The absurdity of Alucard's appearance had an immediate and uncontrollable effect opon Integra. She quickly put her hand up to her mouth and attempted to hold it in, but it was no use. The usually uptight Hellsing heir promptly broke out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. Never in her life, had Integra dreamed that Alucard could look so utterly ridiculous.

(Well, I hope you enjoyed the seventh chapter. I'm sorry that I didn't get to the wacky chase Joker chase yet. I wanted to type it up, but I kept getting more ideas for thing to happen before that and you guys'n gals sent me some great suggestions. So... Well anyway, I hope you liked the seventh chapter. I should get to the Joker chase next chapter. Please keep the reviews coming as they are the fuel which feeds my creativity. Thanks.)

(To firecat13: Thanks for the review. Yeah, I think you're right. I gave too much away this time. The last time I introduced a mystery ghost and invited people to guess his identity (Friar Tuck), no one got it. So, a dropped more hints this time, but I'm afraid I overdid it.

To Anonymous: Thanks for the review. Yes, poor, poor Hellsing. We should pity anyone who has to deal with the Joker. But at least Integra got a laugh out of it; and, hopefully, you did too.

To RemyofAkyre: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you "really love this story!" As you can see, I did "write more!" I hope you enjoyed the new chapter.

To all of my readers and reviewers: Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	8. Always With the Interruptions

**Chapter Eight: Always With the Interruptions.**

**AN:** Okay, the mansion chase is going to be postponed for one more chapter. Sorry, but before you start yelling obscenities at me, I do have more Joker in this chapter, and I've now lain all the ground work for the chase. So I should be able to start it next chapter without any problems. Once again, I'm sorry about the delay; and I hope this chapter isn't too silly. I was on a sugar high when I finally got around to typing most of it up. Anyway, please let me know what you think. Thanks. ;)

* * *

Pip and Seras burst through her room's door way, their bodies and lips locked together. Seras reached behind her boyfriend and flung the door shut. Then Pip pushed his Mignonette up against the wall, a bit more roughly than he had intended. Seras didn't seem to mind though. She reached up and ran her fingers into her Captain's long hair.

Pip moved his mouth down to Seras's neck. She gasped, giggled, tightly grasped a handful of hair and pulled gently. Then she opened her eyes for a moment and looked around. She was looking for the coffin; but before her eyes rested on her place of rest, they fell on Jan Valentine. He was sitting in one of her chairs, staring intently at her and her Lover.

Seras's eyebrows knit together. "Just what the bloody Hell do you think you're doing!"

Pip instantly stopped unbuttoning Seras's uniform. "I'm sorry, Mignonette. I thought we were going to... If I'm going too fast, we can slow down. It's just I haven't seen you in so long. Well, I've seen you, but I haven't been able to touch you..."

Seras cut off her boyfriend, who's voice was a mixture of surprise, pleading, hurt and worry. "No, Pip, Honey. Not you. Jan." Seras pointed at the peeping tom.

"Jan?" Pip followed Seras's finger to see Jan waving at him. "Jan, get out of here!"

"Oh, come on. Is that anyway to talk to your best buddy?" Pip walked over an pulled the seat out from under Jan. Instead of falling, the other ghost simply hovered where he'd been sitting a moment before. Pip put his hands against Jan's back and began to push him towards the door. Jan put down his feet and dragged them on the ground. "Come on, buddy. I just want to watch. I won't touch her. I swear!"

They'd reached the door. "Get out!" Pip pushed his friend through the closed door.

Jan stuck his head back through the door. "You know, It's a good thing you're just doing this so you can get laid; or I'd be really upset at you right now."

Pip gritted his teeth. "So glad you're going to be understanding. Now as I've already said, 'Get out!'" Pip pushed his friend's head back through the door. "I'm sorry about that, Mignonette. Jan can be a pervert sometimes." Pip started to turn back around. "But now that he's gone, we can get back to... Arrhhh!" Pip's eye started twitching as he saw what appeared to be a twelve year old boy sitting on the same seat that he'd just pulled out from under Jan. Pip slapped his head, then dragged his hand down his face. The boy just sat there with a happy and hopeful look on his face. "And just who the Hell are you?!"

The boy started pouting, then sniffling. "I (sniffle) just (sniffle) wanted a (sniffle) friend." The boy broke out crying.

Seras glared at Pip. He sighed then walked over to the boy and patted his back. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just Mignonette and I keep getting interrupted right before we can..."

The boy stopped crying and looked up. "Can what?"

"Well..." Pip sighed again. "Never mind. Look, kid, you got a name?"

"Yes." The boy extended his hand. "I'm Casper. And I'm sorry that I interrupted... whatever it is that I interrupted. I'm just looking for a friend."

_To of died at such a young age... Poor kid. _Pip shook the boy's hand. "I'm Pip."

"And I'm Seras. And we'll be glad to be your friends. But right now we want to spend some alone time together. Okay?"

Casper nodded. "Good boy." Pip started walking to the door again. "Now you just go play for a couple of hours then we'll all play a board game together, or something." Pip opened the door only to see Jan in the hallway.

Jan had been holding one end of a glass to his ear and the other to the door. Unfortunately for Jan, the door was quite thick, and he could barely hear anything from the other side. Consequently when Pip opened the door to reveal a young boy, Jan was quite surprised. He looked at the boy, looked at Pip, leaned to the side to see Seras sitting on her bed\coffin, scratched his head for a moment then said, "Wow, you two must be the fastest fuckers in history!"

Pip glared at his friend. "Don't be an idiot. The kid's got to be around twelve years old, and it takes nine months just to have one."

Jan was still scratching his head. "Yeah, right. So, um whose kid is he?"

Pip shrugged. "I don't know. But the three of us are going to be his friends form now on."

Jan put up his hands. "Wait a minute. I never agreed to befriend some twelve year old ghost child. I'm not good with kids."

"Oh, quit your belly aching. Just do something with him for the next couple of hours so Seras and I can..." Pip looked down at the boy, rethought what he was going to say then continued, "Have some alone time. After that, we'll take care of him."

"But..."

"Look, just do this for me, okay? Besides, it'll keep you from trying to listen in." Jan hid the glass behind his back. Pip shook his head, then closed the door.

Jan looked down at the kid and cocked his head to the side for a moment. The kid did the same. Jan righted his head then stuck his tongue out and went, "Bla blabba bla bla." The kid did the same thing, and they both broke out laughing. When they stopped, Jan slapped the kid on his back. "You know, you're not half bad. Come on, lets go sneak a couple of Integra's cigars."

"But my father told me smoking was bad for my health."

"You're already dead, right?"

"Yeah?"

"So what do you have to worry about?" The kid shrugged. Jan continued. "Come on kid. I'll teach you how to blow smoke rings." The two walked off together.

* * *

When Jan and Casper neared Integra's office, they heard what sounded like a gunshot, followed by Integra yelling for Alucard, followed by a sound that Jan never thought he'd hear. Integra was laughing about something. Jan sprinted the rest of the way to Integra's office but when he got there, all he saw was Integra laughing while pounding on her desk, some disgustingly ghoulish monkey putting itself back together, a rather large pirate looking reprovingly at said monkey and a man, painted up like a clown, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

Jan scratched his head again just as the clown pointed to Integra and said, "What do you know? Someone finally laughed at one of my jokes." The clown rose a few feet from the floor and clicked his heals together. "I think I'm in love."

The clown then proceeded to grab Integra, who quickly stopped laughing. The clown looked deeply into the blond's blue eyes. He raised and lowered his eyebrows a few times and asked, "Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moon light?"

Integra of course couldn't hear the question or see the ghost holding her, but she did feel it when he began to dance with her.

* * *

Pip and Seras had finally moved unto the coffin. Pip's shirt was already off, and he was just in the process of unhooking Seras's bra when the room's door was engulfed in shadows and exploded inward.

Pip was already on top of Seras and shielded her as best he could. As soon as the pieces of the door stopped flying. Alucard, in his dog form, stepped into the room. A very nervous and frightened Seras rolled Pip off of her, grabbed the top of her uniform and quickly started to put it back on. "Master?! I... I was just... Ah? What are you doing here?"

Seras heard her Master's voice cut into her head. He sounded angry. _What am I doing here? What am I doing here! You want to know what I'm doing here? _Seras started to shake her head no, but Alucard continued anyway. _Well I'll show you what I'm doing here!_

Alucard shifted into his human form and pointed at his made up face. "What is the meaning of thissssss!"

If Seras hadn't been so scared she would've laughed at Alucard's appearance. Instead, she kept a very straight face and replied, "Master, I didn't. Really, I didn't."

"Oh, no? Well, there are only two woman in this mansion and I know it wasn't Integra. She'd never wear this kind of makeup!" Alucard reached into his coat and pulled out his Jackal.

"Master, what are you going to do?!"

"I'm going to blow off each of your limbs. Then I'm going to teach you how to regenerate them so I can blow them off again. And we're going to continue the cycle until you learn not to paint your master's face while he's sleeping." Alucard aimed his Jackal at his fledgling.

Pip, who was now standing to the left of Alucard, sighed. "Always with the interruptions." He charged Alucard, knocking the surprised vampire over and twisting the gun out from his grasp. Pip shouted. "Run, Mignonette! I don't know how long I can hold him off!"

Seras did just that. She ran past Pip's ghost and her master. Seras ran up the stairs, shouting, "Sir Integra! Sir Integra! Help! He's going to kill me!"

Alucard recovered from the shock of seeing his own gun floating in mid air and repeatedly shooting him. He grabbed the gun and pushed against whatever invisible force was holding it. Pip went flying into the far wall and was knocked unconscious. Alucard dashed out of the room, the blood from his wounds trailing after him, trying to catch up, as he ran after his fledgling.

Seras was still shouting as she ran through the mansion, searching for the one person who could stop her master. "Sir Integraaaaa!"

Finally Integra's voice answered Seras's call. "I'm over here, in the ballroom!"

_What the... What in the world would Integra be doing in the ballroom?_ Seras got her answer as she entered the ballroom to see Integra dancing with (okay more like being dragged across the floor, in a dance like pattern, by) what looked liked some carnival reject. "Sir Integra, what are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm being dragged across the ballroom, by what I can only assume is another of your ghosts!"

"Sir, they are not my ghosts."

"Well, then who's are they! Because they certainly aren't mine!"

Just then Alucard caught up to his fledgling. He had every intension of forgetting the gun and just ripping her limbs off; but when he saw his master half dancing, half being dragged around by empty air, He stopped for a moment. Alucard's concern for his Master actually outweighed his anger at his fledgling. "Master?"

Integra gritted her teeth. It was bad enough Seras saw her like this. She really hadn't needed Alucard to see her as well. "Yes, Alucard?"

"Why are..."

"It's one of the ghosts!"

Alucard scratched his head for a moment. "You mean there really are ghosts? Police Girl hasn't just lost her mind?"

Joker spoke to Integra even though, by now, he knew she couldn't hear him. "It's as though we were made for each other. Beauty and the Beast."

Integra was twirled around. "No, Alucard. Of course there aren't any ghosts. I just thought it would be fun to try dancing with empty air!"

"O-k-a-y."

Integra was suddenly and deeply dipped. The Joker looked into her eyes again and continued, "Of course, if anyone else calls you 'beast', I'll rip their lungs out."

"Alucard?"

"Yes, Master?"

"I was being sarcastic."

"Oh."

Integra was twirled again. "Now would one of you please do something to get me out of this?!"

(Well, what did you think? Please let me know. Thanks I hope this wasn't too silly. I'm sorry if it was. I can try writing with less sugar next time.

Just so everyone knows, the Joker that I'm writing here is an amalgam of My three favorites: Jack Nicholson, Heath Ledger and Mark Hamill. So his forcing Integra to dance with him is actually 'in character'. If you've ever seen the 1989 Batman film, you'll know what I'm talking about.)

(To Nightfeathers: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked the way I did the 'My peanut' scene. I do try to give my reviewer what they want. I hope you liked this chapter as much as the last.

To mint leafs: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that Alucard's 'new look' made you laugh so hard, and that you liked the "My peanut". That was actually a suggestion from Nightfeathers. So, he deserves the credit for that.

To all of my readers and reviewers: Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)


	9. Seras's Ghosts

**Chapter Nine: Seras's Ghosts.**

**AN:** Sorry about posting this so late; but it's a rather long chapter, at least, compared to the other chapters in this fic. So, it took me longer to type up and proofread and... Well anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Please review. Thanks. :)

"Now would one of you please do something to get me out of this?!"

* * *

Alucard just looked at Seras. She asked, "What?"

"They're your ghosts."

_Why do people keep saying that? They're not my ghosts!_ "Master, I can only see the ghosts. I don't have any control over them."

It was then that Seras heard a familiar voice above her head. "Well, that's not entirely accurate."

Seras looked up to see Helena float down through the ceiling. "What do you mean?"

Helena continued to descend until she was at eye level with Seras. Helena hovered in place as she answered, "As a nexus, you act as a bridge between dimensions. That is why the ghosts can suddenly interact with things in the living world."

Seras cut in. "I know. You've already told me this."

Helena looked a little put out by Seras's interruption. "Yes, I told you what you were. But your boyfriend interrupted us before I was able to tell you what you can do. As a nexus, you are the bridge that links the ghosts to this dimension, but you don't have to let them cross. You can block the bridge."

Now it was Seras's turn to look put out. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Helena sighed and spoke in an almost... motherly tone. "I was going to, but you wanted to spend some alone time with your boyfriend."

Yeah, and I'd still like to. Stupid interruptions. Wait a minute! "If I block the traffic, what will happen to Pip?"

At this question, Alucard's face took on a confused expression. "Police Girl, would you please stay focused on the task at hand?"

"I am, Master."

"Really, what does blocking traffic and Pip have to do with your ghosts?"

"It's an analogy. Helena's trying to explain how I can get rid of the clown dancing with Integra."

Alucard was very frustrated. His gun had been stolen. He'd been reprimanded and punished for chasing a ghoul monkey around the mansion. Integra hadn't believed him that the monkey was a ghoul. He'd been woken up twice by his Master screaming for him. His face had been horribly disfigured by his fledgling's makeup. He'd been shot repeatedly by his own gun; and, worst of all, some other dead guy was dancing with **his** master. Alucard was not having a very good day. No, not at all. And he still didn't understand what was going on with his fledgling. "Who is Helena?!"

Integra was twirled and dipped again. She looked over at her servant. "Alucard?"

"Yes, Master?"

"Leave Seras alone, and let her figure out how to handle the ghosts. I'm getting tired of dancing."

"Uh, yes Master." Alucard turned back to his fledgling. He had an angry look in his eyes, but was quiet.

Helena continued, "Well, that depends on how you block the traffic. The easiest thing to do is to contain your nexus connections and block everything."

"I can't do that. I just got Pip back. I can't lose him again!" Poor Seras was nearly in tears.

Helena just smiled encouragingly. "No, I didn't think you'd go for that option. Fortunately, there is another. If you can maintain tactile contact with one of the ghosts, you can block only that specific ghost's spirit energy. It's kind of like putting a guard at one end of the bridge and telling him to not let a specific person by."

"And you can teach me how to do this?" Seras asked hopefully.

"Yes, but unfortunately you're going to have to catch the ghost you want to block."

"Great, and just how am I suppose to catch a ghost?"

"Well, there's an old sang. 'Sometimes you need to fight fire with fire'."

"So, you'll hold him down?"

Helena laughed lightly. "Oh, my dear, no. I'll teach you how to block the ghost, but I'm not about to go chasing some clown around a mansion. You'll have to find someone else for that."

_Great, it can never be easy. Can it? _"Fine. You wait here. I'll be back in a minute." And with that Seras took off, through the mansion, yelling for the various ghosts that she thought might help her. "Piiiiip! Jaaaack! Caaaaspeeeer!" _God help me. I'll even take_ "Jaaaaaan!"

One, by one the ghosts responded to their nexus's summons, all except for poor Pip who was still lying unconscious in Seras's cell.

Jan and Casper were the first two to answer Seras's call. They both walked out of Integra's office, cigars in there mouths. Seras saw this and grabbed the cigar out of Casper's mouth. She threw it to the floor and ground it out with her heel. Then she turned on Jan. "What do you think you're doing?! You can't let a kid smoke a cigar!"

Jan held out his index finger as if to say 'wait a minute.' The cigar in his mouth exploded. Jan's head flew up into the air and landed upside down on his neck. "Oh, man! I love these things! They've got a real kick to them!"

Seras pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Jan was hopeless. Seras saw Jan reach up and right his head, then she grabbed him and Casper by their wrists. "Come on. I need your help with something."

On her way back to the ballroom, Seras spotted Jack and enlisted his aid as well. The four reached the ballroom, and Seras looked over at the ghost who was still dancing with Integra. Although he had moved on, from the slow dance to a tango.

Integra looked even more put out then when Seras had left.

Seras shouted, "Alright, clown, that's enough!"

The ghost looked over at Seras, as if finally acknowledging the presence of other people in the room. The ghost released Integra. "Not clown." He walked over to Seras. "Joker. I'm the Joker." The Joker extended his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

In one of the stupidest moves of her life, Seras actually reached out to shake the ghost's hand. She always did try to be polite. "I'm Ser..." Seras's words were cut short as 1200 watts of electricity surged through her body. The smell of burning flesh filled the air as Seras's body fell to the floor.

Joker pulled his hand back and laughed manically. "No one blocks the Joker." Jan, also, broke into a fit of laughter. Then Joker stopped laughing, and his jaw dropped as Seras started to get back up. Apparently you couldn't kill a vampire by electrocuting them.

Jack and Casper helped the young fledgling to her feet, and Helena turned to the Joker. "Exactly what where you hoping to accomplish anyway? If you'd killed her, you'd of disappeared same as if she blocked you."

Joker scratched his head for a moment. "Really? You don't say. Well, in that case" Joker lifted one leg high, like some loony tunes character about to sprint off. "I guess I'll run." He did just that.

By now Seras had recovered from her shock. She ordered her ghosts, "After him!" Surprisingly, even Jan obeyed.

The four took off after the Joker as he resumed his maniacal laughter and intermittently injected lines from The Ginger Bread Man. "Run, run as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the ginger bread man."

Joker ran around a corner and into a long hallway. The others followed only to see Joker reach into his pocket and pull out a bag of marbles. The Joker continued to run as he dumped said marbles on the floor. A slight slant caused them to roll towards his pursuers.

At first, no one payed much attention to the marbles. As ghost's, Jan, Jack and Casper simply floated over them, while Seras's vampire reflexes kept her from falling. But then, the marbles started to explode; and suddenly, things changed. Seras and her ghosts ran back the way they'd come, just barely keeping ahead of the exploding children's toys.

Seras, Jack, Casper and Jan managed to escape the inferno that had once been one of Integra's hallways, only to bump into the Hellsing heir after emerging from the hallway. Integra saw the destruction and asked, "What the Hell happened to my hallway!"

Seras started to answer, "Well, you see, Joker had these marbles, and heeeee!..."

Seras's explanation was cut short as Jack picked her up and started to run away from the fuming Hellsing heir. "Tell her later, Love. We've got a ghost to catch. Remember?"

Jan and Casper followed. The former stopped for a moment and groped Integra, who responded with a shocked gasp. Integra turned and tried to slap whomever had dared to grope her, but Jan simply ducked under the blow. He then caught up to the others. Seras, who Jack had put back down and was once again using her own two feet, turned to Jan. "You better stop doing that. Master will kill you if he finds out you've been touching Sir Integra."

Jan just laughed. "Let him try. I'm already a ghost. Nothing he can do to me. No blood left for him to feed off of."

* * *

Joker had a good lead on his pursuers. As he ran by a room, he noticed one of the geese's boom boxes lying on the floor inside. Joker firmly planted both feet. He slid on for a short distance, causing the rug to bunch up in front of him. Then the Clown Prince of Crime came to a stop. He back tracked and entered the room. He quickly pulled a cassette out from one of his pockets, picked up the boom box, inserted said cassette, set the boom box down next to the mansion's intercom and turned both on. As the Joker resumed his mad dash, the song "Party Man" could be heard blaring in every room of the mansion.

Seras and her ghosts were still trying to find the Joker when they heard the music come over the mansion's intercom system. **All hail - the new king in town. Young and old, gather 'round (yeah). Black and white, red and green (funky). The funkiest man U've ever seen.**

Seras put her hands over her ears. "Yuck, what is that?"

**Tell U what his name is. Partyman, partyman. Rock a party like nobody can. Rules and regulations - no place in his nation. Partyman, partyman.**

Jan's foot started tapping. "I kind of like it."

**Party people - say it now: YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! Somebody holler if U wanna party.**

Seras looked at him. "You would."

**Get it up, oh yeah. Partyman, partyman. Get it up, get it up.**

"Oh, I don't know, love. It does have a nice beat." Jack started dancing.

**I rock the party, I rock the house. I rock the whole world, north, east and south. In the west - 17 horns blowin.**

Seras grabbed both Jack and Jan by their ears. "Come on. You two are just wasting time." Admits their protests, Seras dragged the two back into the center of the mansion.

**Partyman, partyman. (Lose me now boy). Get it up. All hail the new king in town.**

"Ow. What the Fuck? What the Fuck! Let go of my ear."

"Okay. Okay. I'm coming. "

Seras let go of the two's ears. Jan asked, "But just how are we suppose to find this guy anyway? The fucking mansion's huge and thanks to our fucking little detour, he could be anywhere."

While Seras stopped and thought about Jan's question, something caught Jack's eye and he wandered a short distance away from the group.

**Ain't nothin' but a muffin. We gotta lotta butter 2 go. (Y'say aye, an' I like ya 'way, but don't come now). And if it break when it bend. U better not put it in – uh.**

Casper turned to Seras and innocently asked, "Seras, what does fucking mean?"

Seras glared at Jan, who stammered while trying to come up with an excuse for his language. Jack caught everyone's attention with a sharp whistle. The other two ghosts and one nexus turned to the dead pirate captain. Jack used his thumb to point down the hallway that lead to the mansion's west wing. "I think our joker went this way."

"And just why the fu..." Jan was cut off as Seras elbowed him in the gut.

Seras asked, "What makes you think that?"

**Giddy up. (Ride 'em boy). Partyman, partyman. Partyman. Partyman, partyman.**

Jack twirled his mustache. "Well, love, it's not conclusive or anything." Jack pointed to one of the paintings hanging in the direction he had indicated. "But I doubt this Abraham Hellsing had green eyebrows and a purple beard."

The group headed off in the direction of the disfigured painting.

**Young and old, gather 'round.**

* * *

It took the group another ten minutes of searching, but Casper finally caught sight of the Joker, who'd been trying to tiptoe around the group.

The Joker new it when the young boy spotted him. He turned to the lad, waved his hands in a 'no' pattern then put a finger to his lips.

Casper cocked his head to the side and stared at the strange clown's antics for a moment, then he called out. "I've found him! He's over there!" Casper pointed at the Joker.

The Joker hissed at the boy, "Miserable little bugger." then took off again. However, this time Seras and her ghost were right behind him, and The Joker had run out of marbles. He fled to the west wing's hall of bedrooms. The Joker then began leading the group in and out of the different rooms, going in through the door of one room, walking through the wall that separated it from the next and then exiting through that room's doorway.

Seras, who was unable to pass through solid objects without leaving big holes behind her, just stood in the hallway and watched the chase. Over and over again, the ghosts would enter one room and exit another. Seras began to wonder if the strange game of cat and mouse would ever end, then she heard a metallic clank next to her. Seras looked over to see a seven foot tall green figure standing next to her.

Seras eeeped and jumped back. The thing, whatever it was, smiled and extended it's hand. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Seras eyed the strange creature. It was covered from head to toe in some sort of mid-evil armor. However, it wasn't behaving in a threatening manor and seemed rather friendly. Seras began to extend her hand then remembered what had happened to her last time. Seras pulled her hand back. "Um, forgive me. But the last time I shook someone's hand he tried to electrocute me."

The creature pulled back his hand, he still seemed to be in a jolly mood. "Oh, well I guess that's okay. Who are you? You're not a fellow ghost. I can tell that much. But you can see and hear me."

"Ah, yeah. Long story. Short version is, 'I'm a nexus so I can interact with ghosts.' Name's Seras Victoria."

The creature pointed to itself and proudly stated. "Well, I'm the Gray Prince, Grand Champion of the Arena. Or, at least, I was for many years. What's going on over there." The self appointed Gray Prince motioned towards the chase that was still going on and showed no sign of letting up anytime soon.

"Oh, yeah." In the wake of meeting the rather unusual creature in front of her, Seras had nearly forgotten about the Joker. "Well you see there's this very bad ghost, and the other ghosts are trying to capture him so I can send him away."

"The bad ghost the one with the painted face?"

Seras nodded. The Gray Prince turned to face the ghosts who were still zigzagging from room to room. "Don't worry. I'll get him." And with that the Gray Prince took off. He made a flying tackle and intercepted the Joker in between rooms.

Seras was rather surprised but glad. She walked over to where the Joker was attempting to escape the huge, green Grand Champion. The Joker was not having much luck. No, not at all.

Helena hovered up behind Seras. "'Oh good, you finally caught him. Now put your hand on his heart."

Seras did as instructed and was rewarded with a blast of acid from the flower on the Joker's cote. Seras pulled her hand back in pain, but it healed quickly. She pressed her hand to the knave's heart again, but this time she made sure to slip her hand inside of the cote.

"Good, now close your eyes and feel his unique energy signature."

It took a moment, but then Seras replied, "I can feel it! He's... he's crazy! Not stupid, but... but completely insane!"

"Yes, yes. By making contact with the spirit energy you can see glimpses of the other's thoughts and feel some of their emotions. But that's not important right now. Now that you've identified his unique energy signature, just push against it with your mind and feelings. Block his flow and he'll..." Helena stopped talking as, with a final shriek, the Joker vanished away. "Very good. Very good. You caught on fast, young fledgling. You can use this technique to block any ghost as long as you are the only nexus around. If there are others, you will all have to block the spirit. As long as one bridge remains open. The traffic will flow across it. But you've learned enough for one night." Helena smiled coyly. "You're prince charming is still in your chamber. I'm afraid that your Master knocked him unconscious earlier."

Seras seemed shocked. "You mean, when he was defending me? Is... is Pip okay?!"

"Calm yourself, child. He's already a ghost. Not much more worse can happen to him now. But if you still want your 'alone time', you should go to him quickly. Ghosts vanish with the rising sun, and it should be up in about an hour."

Seras started to run off but stopped and turned back. Helena reassured her. "Don't worry. I'll talk to the others. They won't interrupt you. And for all your boss and master know, you're still chasing after the Joker."

Seras pulled the vampire ghost into another undignified bear hug and commented, "Thanks. You're the best." before heading to her room.

* * *

Seras bent down and cupped Pip's head. She planted a light kiss on his lips, and the ghost stirred beneath the sensation.

Pip's vision cleared, and his eyes fluttered open. "Ahhh, I must be in heaven. For I've been kissed by an angel."

Seras rolled her eyes at the corny comment, but smiled none the less. "Not heaven. Just my room."

"Same thing, Mignonette, same thing." Seras helped pull Pip to his feet and lead him over to her coffin. "Are you all right? Alucard didn't..."

"I'm fine. Alucard knows about the ghosts. They all do now. And we've finally got our alone time." Seras grinned coyly.

Pip sat down on the open coffin. "No more interruptions?"

Seras sat beside him. "No, my love. Just you and me until sunrise."

Pip laid down on the mattress. "What happens at sunrise?"

Seras laid down next to him. "Oh, I thought you knew. Ghosts disappear during the day." Pip seemed disappointed. Seras wrapped her arms around him. "But we've got about an hour."

Pip smiled. "Not nearly enough time." He sighed. "But I suppose we'll make do, and I'll come haunt you again tomorrow night and the next night and the one after that and..."

Seras put her finger on Pip's lips. "I get the idea, and you better. I wouldn't want to get lonely."

Pip grinned widely. "No chance of that, Mignonette." He began to kiss his lover's neck.

Seras giggled, and the coffin lid closed above them.

* * *

(Well, what did you think? Please let me know. Thanks. I'm marking this story as complete because the everyone now knows about the ghost and Seras has found a way to block unwanted ones. The main plot of this story is complete. However, I still have a couple of ideas for random things happening in the life Hellsing's new nexus. They don't have any overarching plot, just day to day stuff. I might type some of them up and add them onto the end of this story. Or I might not, it all depends on how much free time I have and how involved I am in other fics. I guess what I'm saying is if you have those on story alert, you mine as well leave it.

PS. The Song Partyman is from the 1989 Batman film. It was kind of the Joker's theme song in that movie. He played it while he and his goons were trashing a museum and disfiguring a bunch of paintings.

To anonymous: Thanks for the review. Yeah, they all believe her now. The Joker been taken care of, but Alucard and Integra still might have a few problems with Jan. LoL. Although, he's lucky to, at least, attempt to behave himself now that he knows Seras can banish him. Yes, Casper is definitely friendly and sane, though he is a bit naive. chuckles not too many people do catch breaks in my humor fics, but, usually, everything works out in the end.

To Twinkers4: Thanks for the review. Well, I'm glad that this Joker reminded you of Jack's. Yes, it is a shame Heath died, especially the way he died. In Jesus name may God rest the poor man's soul.

To all of my readers and reviewers: Have a good day, and God bless.

Metropolis Kid.)

* * *

**Preview**

In a dark cave, on another continent: A one armed man stared down at the ground. "I can't believe it. He beat me again. Again!" His one remaining arm shot out and struck a large stalagmite.

Then the man heard a disembodied voice coo. "I told you that would happen. Solid is good. Too good for you."

The man turned away from the voice. It continued, "But together, and with help from my allies... Well the Snake would fall quickly."

The man looked back over his shoulder, and the voice began to take form. An arm reached out and stroked the man's head. "That's it. Lower those walls. Let me through."

The man relaxed his head against the stroking. He'd sealed his father's gift away for too long. He been told it was dangerous, too dangerous. But what did he care? Surely, he could handle it. After all, his father had, hadn't he? The voice promised the man allies, and allies he needed.

"Yes, that's it." The voice materialized into a tattooed face, and crackled, "Millennium lives again." Then other forms joined it. They rose up through the ground like the dead spirits they were and gathered around the one armed man and the tattooed woman. The cave erupted in a chorus of maniacal laughter.

(To be continued in Hellsing: Geist Krieg. That is, if I ever get around to writing it. LoL.)


End file.
